I decided to post about self-injury since I have been unable to find more than one other decent blog or post on the subject so far. Most of the options were full of painfully annoying errors and text-speak, as well as incorrect information, unsupervised, often stupid comments, or an overload of hearts and flowers which chase away anyone who is not a female middleschooler. Therefore, I’m putting forth an intelligent, informed post about self-injury. Don’t fall for misconceptions about all cutters being attention-seeking teenage girls; become informed on a topic that is important in this day and age.
What is it? Self-harm is the act of willfully harming oneself not in the context of a cultural or religious ritual (such as piercings). It is thought that about one percent of the US population self-injures in some form. (http://www.teenhelp.com/teen-health/cutting-stats-treatment.html) Numbers of self-injurers continue to increase. One of the best known examples of self-injury is cutting the skin using a blade or sharp object. People can cut primarily to feel pain, to see blood, or bear scars. Other examples of self-injury include starvation, self-bruising, or self-burning with cigarettes, hot kitchen items, matches, or boiling water.
Why do people intentionally injure themselves? The answer depends entirely on the person. Some people cut because they feel emotionally empty and numb; cutting creates an adrenaline rush that alleviates feeling “dead inside.” Some people feel calm and relaxed after cutting, probably because cutting releases endorphins, like eating chocolate. You can self-injure to express pent-up feelings (anger, anxiety, depression) that are resistant to other forms of release. Self-injury is also viewed by some as a way to prove to themselves that they are tough. Some people cut because of self-esteem issues, feeling that they need to be punished for stupidity, ugliness, etc. Others cut themselves in order to receive social attention, whether positive or negative.
Myths. There are many myths about self-injurers, and many ridiculous things that are commonly said to self-injurers. A common myth is that all cutters are young girls. This is not true. Males and females of all ages are known to exhibit self-injurious behavior. Harmful things that are often said to cutters include statements that the injuries are not serious and therefore no real problem exists, or that the cutter is “just looking for attention.” Telling a known cutter that his or her injuries are not so bad can make them hurt themselves worse, or can make them feel like you do not care about the underlying psychological problem they’re experiencing. As to the second, there ARE some cutters who simply want attention, but this does not apply to all; many cutters wish to hide what they view as a shameful secret. As for the cutters that do seek attention, it’s unfair to assume they’re being shallow or childish. Maybe the people around them are truly neglecting them, and this should be a call to you to reach out to them, not to write them off as silly.
Good Intentions. Self-injurers can also be harmed by people with good intentions. Spiritual people sometimes say, “Just ask God for help and He will heal you,” which is oversimplifying the issue, not to mention that it useless advice for the non-religious. Some well-meaning people may offer advice without being asked, which makes them seem overbearing and sometimes condescending to the cutters. Many people react to cutters with emotionally charged exclamations of “Don’t do it!” or “why do you do this?!” This can be extremely disconcerting to the cutter, especially if they are the types that DO NOT enjoy attention. Instead, people should try to respond to cutters calmly and not over-simplify the issue. If any readers know a self-injurer, either personally or through the web, please be aware that your comments can hurt even if you had good intentions.
What can you do? The most important thing you can do for a cutter friend or family member is to try to understand them and not judge. For instance, I self-injure, and I’m a lot happier opening up to people who understand where I’m coming from and don’t judge. Here’s an example of two different people reacting to my cutting.
1) A relative saw one of my scars and gasped, horror on her face. Her only other reactions were to question whether I was seeing my psychiatrist and demand that I do not self-injure at all if I am anywhere near her. My natural reactions were to feel defensive and embarrassed in response to her horror, and feel alienated and unwelcome/unwanted because of her request. The relative had good intentions but reacted poorly. As a result, I no longer felt safe talking to her.
2) A friend and I were discussing emotional problems, and because I felt very comfortable with him, I started confessing that I engage in self-harm. To my surprise, the friend actually smiled and said “Yeah yeah, I know you’re a cutter,” with apparently full understanding, no judgement, and no negative emotional reaction. He made me feel so comfortable that we talked for a long time about self-injury and other addictions. As a result, I remembered our talk every time I wanted to cut and was able to stop cutting for a period of a few weeks.
What can you do if YOU are a self-injurer? The most important thing you can do is seek support and community. Some people find that seeing a counselor helps. You can also try talking to your friends and family about it– if you feel safe opening up to them, that is. There are several forums online with sections for self-injury where you can anonymously vent and interact with other self-injurers. Some websites describe alternative ways to handle the urge to cut, such as holding ice cubes in your hands for a few minutes, which “shocks” the skin in much the same way as a cut.
Will I Ever Stop? Many cutters find that they can go several weeks, months, or even years without cutting before they relapse again. But is it possible to ever stop self-injuring entirely? The truth is, there’s not a lot of data available on the subject yet. However, as a firm believer in human strength, I think it’s a safe bet that some people actually do succeed in quitting. Still, a more realistic goal than total, permanent abstinence is to get to a place where the self-injury is well-managed and minor enough that you can function in society the way you desire.
I hope this post sheds some light on the issue of self-harm, and I hope it helps cutters and their friends and families alike.
Wunderkind Weasel 